I am blessed beyond measure! How, you might ask, can I say that and really mean it considering the circumstances of my life. I have a son who has walked out of our lives and rejected our faith and beliefs. Heart wrenching! I have a godly daughter who is seriously ill with Chronic Neurological Lyme Disease. While friends and acquaintances my age are trying to decide what their grandchildren will call them, I am preparing myself to accept that I may never have any grandchildren. The medical bills continue to roll in. Most of the medications and procedures to treat Lyme are not covered by insurance. My days are spent caring for a 25 year old college educated child who on some days can not even get out of bed because of the pain.
But, I am blessed beyond measure!
Here is how I can say this and really mean it. Today, as most days, I went over to Robin’s house at 2:00PM. Snickers went with me today because Robin says he is therapeutic. I gently open her bedroom door and watch her as she begins to wake up. Yes, at 2:00PM she is still sleeping, because at 7:00AM she is still awake trying to cope with the pain. I hate to wake her because she looks so peaceful, but I know I must. I give her a drink of Burbur and Parsley, herbs that help settle her nervous system. I go to the kitchen and make her a gluten free waffle and a cup of coffee. As she eats, we talk about her evening and I get an idea of just how bad her night has been. Last night was particularly bad.
I asked Robin what she thinks about when the pain attacks come. She says that sometimes she begs God to take her. Other times she concentrates on Ken, and her Dad and myself and how much we mean to her. Today she shared with me that despite the pain and the isolation, she knows that God is still good. Even when the pain is so intense that she cannot control her body and she flails all over the bed, she acknowledges that God is good. Tears begin to flow as the words spill from her heart about her struggles and her hope and her faith. I can’t repeat word for word all that she shared with me today, but I will tell you that when we both were overwhelmed with our tears, I knew that I had experienced something that most of my friends and acquaintances will never experience. I have seen into the heart of my daughter. What I see there is a sweet, strong, godly woman trying to make sense of the suffering. Trying to find the good in a tragic situation. As is often the case, she talks of how her suffering is preparing her to help others who are in pain. She wants her suffering to be a bridge for others with undiagnosed health issues, to find help. But ultimately, she prays that her experience with a chronic illness will point others to Christ.
I love my daughter. I love her heart. We did not choose this path in life, but God knew that we must travel it together. I am so proud of Robin for her determination to stay in the fight despite the sleepless nights of pain, the shattered dreams, but especially for her decision to praise God in the toughest of times. He has worked out every little detail from providing a Lyme literate doctor in our area, to a job for Ken and an apartment and then a house at just the right times. Were it not for Lyme, I doubt my daughter and I would share our tears, our hearts or our breakfast as we did today. God is surely good all the time!
That is why I can say I am blessed beyond measure!
To be continued…..